I can't seem to stop eating.
Today has been decent though. Not decent like the way I used to think of a good day. Only oatmeal. But still. That's more than I used to eat. I miss those glory days. Those days where all my clothes were nice and loose on me... Even my shorts are fitting tighter. But that's about to change. I feel horrible for leaving Ana the way I did, but I know she'll accept me back with loving (skinny) arms.Eating is just way too much of a drag. This time, I think I'll actually go along with the anorexic food pyramid. I even bought diet pills. Not only am I going to skip eating, I'm going to pop those pills like there's no tomorrow. Who cares if I die tomorrow?! At least I'll be skinnier than I was today...
This being fat thing is horrible. I don't know what to do.
It's weird how once you gain weight, you realize how slim you really were. 120? Now that I think about it, I was thin. Not thin enough of course. 105 still sounds like a sound goal to me.
Hopefully those pills help me get there sooner. 115 by Halloween. That's the goal for now. That's over a month. Two pounds a day? I can totally do that! I just need to stop binging. It's not like I can vomit in a public dorm bathroom anyway...
God this is horrible. These shorts were loose fresh out of the dryer, now they pinch and squeeze like they did before I accepted Ana into my life. Fuck this. Fuck food. Fuck feeling this way ALL THE TIME!! I feel more miserable when I eat then I do when I'm starving. Starving. I miss that feeling... Oh well, I'll get it back. Lunch = skipped. Dinner = soon to be skipped. Skip dinner, end up thinner, right?
115 by Halloween Haven. You can do this. I know you can.
