Ana, Give Me Strength

Why is it that once you stop something, it's more difficult to get back into it?

I'm officially 20 pounds up from what I was. Hard to believe right? I'm still not "fat" (by typical American standards I'm not even chubby), but I'm not what I was.

Looking back, 120 was really skinny. Not too skinny though, not by my standards at least.

On a good note, I puked for the first time in months. Thank God. It actually felt really good. Not to mention extremely easy. Apparently my tonsels aren't used to being tickled anymore. And other than my momentary lapse of judgement and self control (which was immediately purged), it has been a good day. The fact that my stomach is turning helps.

I can't believe I let myself sink to this terrible excuse for a person. This disgustingly huge excuse for a person. All my clothes look horrible on me.

But I'm putting an end to it.

I believe is salvation through starvation.

I can't believe I would give up everything I was for something as pointless as food. Now, my life should be perfect. I have a frat boy boyfriend, I got into the sorority I wanted, and now, I'm too fat to enjoy any of it. Food currently disgusts me. Let's hope I can keep this mentality. Who needs food anyway?? Yeah, it tastes good, but that "full" feeling is horrible along with the bloat and the fat.

I need to keep this up. Ana for life.