Back In The Lower 20s

Thank Ana these last few days have been good.

Yesterday turned out better than I had expected. I was actually really low on calories (only had 121 calories) all because I stuck to my plan. Salad! I need to not go that low again though. I woke up this morning feeling like shit! I thought I was going to pass out (obviously I didn't).

I decided to over shoot my calories today though because I'm used to blacking out, but not blacking out for more than 5 seconds.

Calories aside, today was a very good day. Not to mention I found almond milk that was 40 calories a cup rather than 60. Every calorie counts.

I think this whole thing will get easier once I'm more occupied. Right now, sitting around the house (under the watchful eye of my family), it's really difficult to manage not eating real meals. Tonight, again, pretending to sleep. Stupid dinner. Once I'm out of here though and in school, it'll be super easy. I'll be busy with my studies and the meal plan I got only covers 12 meals a week (but the campus offers stuff like fruits and vegetables luckily) and other than that I can just drink my juice and go on about my pro ana ways.

I can't wait to get out of here. So sick of the family mentioning how skinny I am (which is still far from skinny) and talking about how they never see me eat.

I'm going someplace where no one cares if you eat or not! Which is great because I'm planning on reaching my goal and maintaining for the rest of my life. I'm really looking forward to when I can just maintain. Then I can up my calories and maybe eat REAL food (not juice, milk, or fruit) once every week or so. I'm looking forward to that freedom, though I'm totally prepared to fast if I gain so much as a pound. I'm not going back to where I was (and still am); a fat cow.

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Calories:

• Breakfast: 5 grapes = 17 calories, 1 1/2 cup Silk almond milk = 90 calories, 1 cup watermelon = 46 calories.

• Lunch: 1 cup watermelon = 46 calories, 1 cup Simply Orange = 110 calories

• Dinner: 1 cup strawberries = 49 calories

• Snacks: 1 cup Blue Diamond almond milk = 40 calories

Total: 398

Damn I ate a lot. I need to get back to only 300 calories tomorrow. I hope I still lost weight (I've been losing 2 every good day).