Too Skinny??

Ironic. Right after I write a blog saying that I can only lose a pound a day with Ana, I get on the scale in the morning and it says "122." Definitely not complaining, but I just thought it was funny. I guess my body knows I'm sick of being fat and will put it through hell to get what I want. I know I'm going to be sad in the morning though when the scale gives me the bad news.

I had to purge today.

I hate vomiting. Worse feeling ever. Luckily, soon I'll be moving out, moving where no one cares if you eat dinner or not. Can't wait to control my life (and more importantly, my eating habits).

This is NOT hot

Family Dinner = My Worse Enemy

Not to mention, my mom called me "too skinny" today and gave me the you-better-not-be-doing-anything-weird-to-get-skinny talk. It was hard to look her in the eyes and tell her that I don't have a problem.

That's what it is, isn't it? A problem? But it's a problem I am in no hurry to get rid of. It's a problem that makes me happy. I can't remember the last time I felt this good about myself (not counting today, even though I'm sure I got most of food out). I was 138 in middle school, almost 160 earlier this year. Now, I'm 122! And who do I have to thank? The one and only Ana. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be hating who I was.

Yes, I am different than most anorexics. I don't look in the mirror and see a fat cow. I see a relatively slim girl. I just know I could be better. I still have meat on my thighs and a line below my belly button (the dreaded "gut"). And I know what "too skinny" is. I'm no dummy. I love my bones, but no way would I make it so I have absolutely NO breasts or hips and have every rib protruding from my withering body.

I'm not insane. I just know perfection.

****************************************************************
Calories:

• Lunch: 1/2 cup watermelon = 23 calories, 1/2 cup strawberries = 24 calories
• Snacks: 1 cup nonfat milk = 86 calories, 20 grapes = 68 calories
• Dinner: Purged

Total: 201

Who knows how much I left in my stomach (even though my finger was down my throat for half an hour). We'll see how well Mia works for me when I step on the scale tomorrow morning....