Good Day

Today was a good day. Very good day. I don't know what I would have done if I had failed again. Probably would have gone into some deep depression and felt horrible about myself. Tomorrow needs to be a good day too. No more purging.

It's hard to stop a bad habit once you've started. Once you've got it in your mind that you can have as much of whatever as long as you spend plenty of time in the bathroom tomorrow. I actually found myself trying to talk me into a treat. I listened to my superego rather than my id. Now if I could just do that more often.

Believe it or not, this blog helps me a lot. The fact that I have to type everything I've eaten, my calories, my success and more importantly, my failure, it keeps the pressure on. Knowing that if I fail, it's no secret.

What to do for motivation? Every time I go the the fridge to peek at all the things that I can't have, instead of listening to that voice saying "you can have it, you know?" I just listen halfheartedly and grab my water bottle rather than the left-overs (which are looking more and more tempting).

I know what else I need to do to keep my eyes on the prize. I need to make my bracelet. The bracelet that confesses to all (knowing of the pro-ana culture) that I walk-the-walk. Having that constant reminder of where my loyalties lie (with Ana of course), I think that will help me focus and stop giving into petty little things that bring me more woe than pleasure.

Don't do anything today that you'll regret tomorrow


And that is just what I'm going to do. I'm going to renew my vows (metaphorically of course). Put all of myself into the arms of Ana. Every part of my essence. After all, what I crave more than any food is the taste of thin. The taste of true beauty and perfection.

My current mail goal? 115 by September 1st. I think I can achieve that. I know I can achieve that. Just live the lifestyle, day by day, pound after pound.

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Calories:

• Breakfast: 2 cup strawberries = 97 calories, 5 grapes = 17 calories

• Lunch: 1 cup milk = 80 calories, 1 cup coffee = 2 calories

• Dinner: 25 grapes = 85 calories

Total: 281

Not bad. I'm glad I'm eating almost all of my calories. Maybe up it tomorrow, still blacking out a little when I get up too quickly.