Success

Wow. This morning the scale said "120." Amazing. Ana, I love you.

What else do I love? This motivation!! I turned down ice cream. One of my favorite things ever (not to mention the easiest to puke up). I found myself saying in my mind "It's okay Haven. One bowl. You've been doing well haven't you? Besides, you know it'll all come up." But, surprisingly, I turned it down. I managed to listen to the sensible me. "Don't do anything today that you'll regret tomorrow."

Though I do have a deal with myself. If I can continue this good note past tomorrow (I'm going out so it'll be a challenge) then I can treat myself to a hearty bowl of ice cream. Gotta live a little, right? Besides, it is the easiest thing to vomit (plus it still tastes pretty good if you purge soon enough).

Each day is a step towards perfection

Motivation. Turning your hunger off for the greater good. For thin. Thin. The thing I truly crave, even more than ice cream.

Unfortunately, even with the decent weight loss, I don't feel any better about myself. It'll just take a few more pounds I guess. 15 pounds to be exact. Then I'll stop. I'll simply maintain.

Maintenance. I still don't know exactly how to go about that when I'm content with myself. Do weight loss pills speed up your metabolism? Because we all know about that stupid "starvation mode" your body goes into after not eating. I just need a way to speed up my metabolism...

Maybe I'll just eat a healthy, nutritious meal once every day. Every other day at first. Then, if I gain a pound, I'll just have to be perfectly good again. But hey, that's 15 pounds from now.

15 pounds. I remember when my goal was 135. Then 120. Of course, those were simply my stepping-stone goals. Each leading to my main goal. Perfection. Then again I'm only assuming perfection is at 105. No way in hell am I going any lower. Then I'll know Ana dear is messing with my mind, constantly morphing the reflection in the mirror.

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Calories:

• Lunch: 1/2 cup watermelon = 23 calories, 1/2 cup pineapple = 37, 1 cup strawberries = 49 calories, 5 grapes = 17 calories

• Snacks: Trident gum = 4 calories

• Dinner: 20 oz bottle diet Dr. Pepper = 0 calories, 1/2 cup watermelon = 23 calories, 1/2 cup pineapple = 37, 1 cup strawberries = 49 calories, 5 grapes = 17 calories

Total: 256

Not bad. Honestly, should be eating your full 300. Dizziness is not fun.