Fail Fail Fail!

Ugh!! I don't think I even want to go into detail about the past two days. Long story short, I went from 120 to 121 (weight taken yesterday morning and this morning). Obvious to say I am not very happy with the one pound gain.

Though I know exactly how it happened. Food happened. The ultimate enemy. I don't know where I got the bright idea that I can eat whatever I want as long as I puke it out. I know (in the back of my mind) that I NEVER end up getting it all up! Yet what do I do? I eat like a cow then torture myself with half hour purging which always end the same way; me ending up with a major headache and a numb finger that won't move another inch.

Where did my motivation go? I know. I lose control, then once it's lost, it's LOST! One day of purging (family dinner) and suddenly I think food is okay. Well you know what Haven dear, IT DAMN WELL ISN'T!

Even today, I woke up thinking "you know you've gained a pound so today better be a good day." Yet as soon as I get up, I treat myself to a bowl of ice cream and cereal. AH! Listen to the voice in your head saying "don't do it." You know you'll just end up regretting it!

Well no more! I'm done with purging (except under necessity of course).

What really kills me is that I was on such a good streak, losing two pounds a day. One day of failure and it all goes down the drain.

But no more. I promise.

Gaining and purging causes too much pain, physical and mental.

Lose = Life, Gain = Death


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Calories:

• Breakfast: PURGED! stick of gum = 4 calories

• Lunch: 1 cup strawberries = 49 calories, 1/2 cup watermelon = 23 calories, 5 grapes = 17 calories, .3 cup pineapple = 19 calories

• Dinner: 20 grapes = 68 calories, 2 tomatos = 70 calories

Total: 250

Be good and stop relying on purging damn it.