FML

Sorry for the profanity, but seriously, fuck my life. Where the fuck did my motivation go?! I used to (back when I was on a total weight loss binge) only eat when it was socially necessary. NOW?! I eat when I'm completely alone! Wtf!?

God this sucks. Ana, where are you?! Help me through this. I feel like shit all the time and I can't seem to keep control.

It would help if there was someone who could help me pull through. Someone to keep me strong. But NO, I'M ALL ALONE! And it fucking sucks.

Where was my weakness today? Cake mix. A 10th of a packet is like 200 calories. WTF did I do to myself!

I need to see 115 by August 27.... I NEED this. Any suggestions on what to do for motivation? I don't want to hurt myself again. Though honestly I'd rather feel a knife to my wrist than my finger down my throat. Gagging myself over and over because I have absolutely no motivation right now....

What can I possibly do? I need help.

Let's see, maybe if I make a chick in a bikini my background for my phone.... and maybe a rubber band on my wrist (snap it every time I think of giving into food). I NEED to see 115... and now I only have 9 days.... and I probably gained a pound today....

Okay, I'm off food. The glorious empty feeling is gone. Replaced by the horrid bloat of food. Why the hell do I eat if it makes me feel this way? I feel completely ugly and fat. A complete cow. I want to lie in bed and just lie there until I waste away. Waste away to my dream of beauty. 105 may be the big picture, but right now, I'm focusing on 115 (in NINE days!). I can't be ugly for this.... I can't live another day in this hideous body. These fat thighs, huge gut, I don't know what to do!

No, I know what to do...STOP EATING YOU FAT COW! You want to be beautiful don't you?! You want to love yourself DON'T YOU!?

Get some respect for yourself and put down the food.

I've got an idea for weight loss and severe punishment for my latest sins; water. Just water for the next 9 days. If I can stick to it, I'll reach my goal. If not, I'm destined to be a fat chick for the rest of my life. You don't want to be fat for the rest of your life do you Haven? NO!

God I need a community. People that can help. People to motivate. People to tell me I'm a fat cow and I need to stop eating. Food sucks, stop loving it! Seriously, it lasts like five seconds, then you're just feeling like shit for the rest of the day.